What I learned about myself yesterday.

Lesson God taught me yesterday was this:

I am TERRIBLE in adjusting to change.


Here's the story:
Woke up yesterday at 8:30 to get ready for church. Am about to leave at at 9:30 to go Cornerstone when my mom sent me a text message. Apparently, my stepdad's stepdad had a heart attack and was in the ICU and my mom wanted me to stay home from church and help my older sister take care of HER mother, who has been here from North Carolina for a couple weeks. I was angry, especially since I emailed people telling them I would be there Sunday morning. I didn't want to look stupid. BUT, I bit my tongue and said ok. I was hoping to be as helpful as possible and avoid an argument.

I was then told I could leave at 12 to get up to James' play I wanted to try and get to (they were sold out but might have POSSIBLY had seats of the will-calls didn't show). So...I planned to do that, but then realized it would be dumb to drive up all to have ONLY A CHANCE at a ticket.
So, once again my plans changed.


Then, I had planned to leave at 3:30 to go the West Valley Church Plant Gathering. Well, when I went to leave, the mother told me that we were driving her mother back to NC then. I argued that I needed to go to this meeting. Then she got mad and told me just to leave, so I did. I then got a text from my stepdad telling me to get home and do what she says. So I angrily raced home. Then when I got home, I was told my grandmother was sick and I could go. So I did. I learned alot about the church plant and the next 9 months yesterday, and that will be discussed later this week, but more than anything I learned about myself and who I REALLY AM!?

So...I learned this as I began crying as I told my mom that I could go because my grandmother is sick. I DO NOT ADJUST WELL TO CHANGE. The thing that upset me more than anything wasn't what was missing...but rather that the plans got changed SO many times.

Now I get why my life is so hard.

Let's be as honest as possible without discussing any names.

I had a desire for a relationship from February to September of last year. To me, the relationship was "there" in my mind, even though the other party never gave that indication. In fact, the indication was anything but, which maybe is why I never wanted to ask about it. Thus, when the answer was no, I felt distress,anger, and just months of being upset . It even upsets me at certain times now, almost 6 months later. But, through God's grace, the feelings have left. So why has it taken this long? Because I CAN not adjust to change well, and that was one of the biggest changes EVER for me. I say that not to make anyone feel bad, I don't have any regrets, except that I hold onto things and never fully give it all to God.
Big Change #2. Desales University. I was so attached to the school, that when I wasn't there anymore, I was angry because I still felt like I SHOULD be there. Ah, hindsight is 20/20.


Lord, make changes in my life according to your GLORIOUS plan. Do it your way, not mine. And please give me peace and understand to accept these changes and not be upset or angry when things don't go as planned. Help these changes to bring me closer to you.