I can't help it...

Sunday morning, I heard the begging of a sermon on the Christian Radio station around here. In it, the guy said that many of us are in relationships where we just want to say "Enough is Enough", and not talk to the person anymore. It's where you just decide that you don't want to work at a relationship anymore. I often think that "Enough is Enough" with my parents. Last night, I had a unpleasant discussion with my parents. It's a long story, but it had a lot to do with my going back to Desales in the fall.

I am NOT going to say "Enough is Enough", no matter how much I want to at times. I am staying until we work these things out.

have you?

Have you ever felt that everything you've worked hard for is never going to be within your reach?

Here's an example:

Pretend you were told you could have a new BMW if you took care of the car you currently drive for 24 months.
So you spend weeks and months taking care of that car. It looks better than it ever has before. Sure its not always perfect, but you certainly do your best, and yet , 5 months before you are about to get the BMW, you are told that you actually can't have it, and all you have worked for is for nothing.


That's where I'm at right now.
I can't take it.
I cried again, sometimes it gets old, but if I don't, I feel like I'll never make it.

Everything so far.

Everything in my life so far has led me to this point.
That sounds simple enough right?
It makes sense... how would I be where I am without my past from the day I was born to yesterday. But I had the thought that I have already mentioned,

Everything in my life so far has led me to this point.

The idea behind that was that everything, even the things I thought meant nothing, has taught me something and been helpful to my life.
Me getting kicked out of Desales was for a reason
The Desales relationship disaster was for a reason
Community College (which sucked) was for a reason

and now I hold the cards, with a chance to get back to Desales, where it all began 20 months ago...

YAY I'm Excited!

SOME OF MY GRADES CAME BACK.
I'M SO HAPPY!!!
2/4 grades back

Western Civilization was an A. AND, late last night I got my grade for English Comp.
My teachers sent me this email.

Grades should be up. I gave you a B-. That was stretching it given the D on your first and C on your second paper. But you attended all classes and participated, so that helped.

I was super excited but also super MAD at myself for not getting a better grade. That's awesome though. I seriously thought I was going to get a C or worse. So...here is what I have learned: Just because you are terrible in one area of a class doesn't mean you don't need to try 110%. My papers were bad no matter how hard I tried to write, but showing up for class helped bump up my grade. YAY

Now next time I need to write A papers and get an A in the class.


My other two grades won't be back until late April (or later) because I was given an "I" (incomplete) and have some work I need to finish.


SO now I have to work hard to get B's in those classes...

woohoo

The Road to Desales.

The exit is FINALLY getting closer. Exit 60 off of I78. That exit takes me to 309 South which take me to Desales!!!

Today I called someone at Desales and we discussed what I had to do to get back into Desales for the Fall. I was told they would like to see at least 8 classes ( I have 7) and at least a 2.5 GPA. The GPA will be no sweat. I had a 2.90 last semester, and would have to get a D in every class left this semester (already have an A in one) to not average a 2.50. That will certainly not happen. So, the GPA looks good enough to get back in. Now I just have to finish filling out the forms to re-apply to the school, and sign up for a Spring Course. The Spring term starts up in less than a week, so I may end up taking a summer course as the #8 course instead. Either way, once I get signed up for the course and have my forms filled out to re-apply at Desales, everything will be in full swing and I can get into the class I need for the fall at Desales.

I'm excited. Things are finally coming together :)

Tired

I'm worn out. Seriously worn out. I don't know why but I am SOOO tired. I am physically tired. I am emotionally tired. Worst of all, I am spiritually tired after not being at my church this week. Plus, it was a tough weekend with my family. I need your prayers more than ever.

"Why aren't you dating anyone?"

This was a question my grandmother( visiting from NC) recently asked me. I gave her the following answer.

I'm not really interested in dating anyone right now.

That's the real answer. Seriously. But maybe there is more to it then that? Many people have suggested that its because no girls will date me. that is just not true. I've known girls who I could have dated but I haven't. Here is why. When I hear the word dating, two words pop into my mind. One of them is commitment. One of them is Compatibility. See, this ring on my finger say three words. Those three words (also the headline of my blog for those of you who aren't sure what those words are) define me. They are important to me. They are the reason I am almost 20 years old and have never been on a date. I could have gone on dates before, but dating for me isn't a silly game.It's serious. I'm not going to date someone for the heck of it. For me to date someone there has to be commitment and compatibility. If we don't share the same beliefs, same moral values,ect. I'm not interested. That's why I WILL NOT agree to date a girl who is not a Christian. I DO NOT want to be the most important person in this girls life. Jesus should be. We also need to be able to get along (as friends first) and not be at each other's throat. I also don't want to just date. My ENTIRE GOAL in dating would be to find someone I can spend my life with. I'm not saying lets get engaged on date #1,2,20, or 50. That number would all depend on so many variables. But WHEN I date someone, the main goal is to move towards that point.

So..THAT'S why. Hope you understand. If you don't thats cool to. I'm not here to look cool. I have my faith and beliefs and am not defined by what people think of me.

LIFE IS GOOD!

My life is AWESOME right now.

I have a new job which I love

I am done school as of yesterday!!!!

I feel like my relationship with my parents is better than it ever has been!

I'm about to be part of something amazing at the church I love, whether i go with the plant or not

I have begun to look for apartments in the Lehigh Valley area, and on Sunday, heard from a buddy of mine who might want to get a place together! So... now I have a possible roommate

God has said no to the high school ministry right now, which gives me some time to work out some things and mature while also being able to work

God has also said "yes" to the children's ministry, and I get to teach and by taught by these precious kids.


And finally, today I have an interview at the Sleepy's in Reading for a full time in-store assistant position. YAY!!

Thanks be to God,I continue to understand how GOOD I really have it!

MY CAR

Why do you drive such a crappy car?

The question above was asked by one of the High Schoolers on Sunday as I drove them around.


Here is the explanation I gave:

Yeah, I know, but I'm going to buy a car from my parents once I save up some money.

What I said was true, but there is a much better answer beneath the surface. The answer should have instead been this.

Well, from May to December I burned about $1,500-$2,000 buying stupid stuff on ebay. If I wouldn't have done that, I would have a nice car and you would be sitting in it right now.

Yeah maybe I wasn't making alot of money working from September to January working, but that doesn't really matter, because, had I not wasted so much cash, I would have had some and not been worried about it.
I am now in a position where I am working and making 4x more $$ a week than I was from October to January, and yet, if i don't act responsibly with that money, it STILL will not be enough. This is cool. I'm learning new things every day.

Thank you Lord for what you are teaching me!

West Valley Presbyterian Church

This was supposed to be posted last week after our meeting, but I forgot, so here it is....


Over the next Few days or weeks, I will try to share what I learned from the West Valley Church Plant Gathering this past Sunday. Here is what I began with.

Why A Church Plant on the West Side of the Valley?

1. Because We Love the Gospel.

2. Because we love our Community.

3. There is a NEED for a Kingdom Church in our Community

In the Lord's prayer, Jesus is telling us to "Pray for the Kingdom to come where you are RIGHT NOW"


Our Goal: A Gospel Centered Kingdom Community


^^^^ Why I Love taking notes, otherwise I would have forgotten most of this!
This is why God gave us paper and g2 pens. LOL


more to follow another day this week!

My day with the High School!

Today was cool.
I was given the opportunity to spend some time hanging gout with some of the High schoolers at Cornerstone. We went to lunch and then to see "10,000 B.C." It was cool before it even started. Why? Well because without being asked my me, the person organizing the idea of the movie looked it up to see if it would be good for us to see (content of the movie). That made me happy. Its great to see these kids become more like Christ in their actions.
My prayer is that through the mistakes I've made in the past, I can encourage them to never feel like theirs something they would "never do", because if you had asked me if I believed I was capable of doing some of the things I have done, I would have laughed in your face and told you NO WAY.
I Love what God is teaching these teens.
I LOVE what God is teaching ME through them.
I LOVE that I'm learning even while not part of the HS group.

WHAT IS THAT???

WHAT!!!! My blog tracker was down on Thursday and Friday. It could have been my best days ever (Wednesday I had the most Hits and Visits of any day). How Sad, the world may never know...

If my blog tracker goes Wacko again, I may have heart attack

A final decision

Hmmm...time to scratch out another word. Final isn't the right word. Let's try again. The decision has been made...for now.
Children's Ministry-> Thumbs Up
High School--> Thumbs Down

Sweet. Cool. Awesome. 3 words that describe my feelings about it now Why? Well Because now I know. No more waiting.

I'll still see the guys (and girls) and can do stuff on Sundays with them.

But (I don't know why I always start sentences with that word , its not proper English.) Whatever.

But, I was in a position where I had made a commitment to NOT stay with Paul anymore so Monday nights would have been hard to A. find another person to stay with. OR B. drive up on Sunday and THEN Monday as well.

So...I'm still there for Sundays, nothing changes there.

AHH I'm in a good spot

I have a bad feeling about this...

Seriously...I have a very bad feeling about this. The decision has been made...but from early talks ( I have nothing official yet) I I believe I am done with HS and kids for a while. Maybe not. Again, going just on what I have heard and people's tones,ect, I just don't feel like the answer is a good one.

Wait...scratch that. I don't feel like the answer is for me to continue in those ministries. I feel like the decision they have come to is the best one (even if I don't think so). So...We'll say...

I Just don't feel like the answer is the one I wanted to here.

But MAYBE It's the answer I need to hear. Who knows...but I should have more information by the end of the day.

Why I Love My Friends!!!

Here is Why I love the friends God has put in my life.
I usually don't use specific names of people in my blog, but her ei have to because this was SOO helpful
Sunday Night: Alex used a great analogy.

I was discussing how I almost wasn't there and how I want to pull away from my parents and do my own thing, and they want me to obey and listen to what they say AND THEN they will give me some freedom. AB then told me this. He said

Ya know, your life is kinda like one of this Chinese Finger Traps. The harder you pull, the harder things are going to be. But if you chill and be patient, it becomes easier.

Ah, thank you Alex!!! That Makes SO much sense. NOW I know it, and understand it (to a point), so I have no excuse to not live it.

Lord, thank you for knowing all things. Help me to see that if I trust in you, the grip will loosen.

Want to hear a song that challenges your culture?

This song is crazy. It challenges all Christians. When I listen to Christian Music, I want to hear about how awesome Jesus is. I don't WANT TO hear this. But I heard it, and its one of my favorite songs.

Check out these lyrics (with my thoughts in bold)


ALERT: IF YOU WANT TO LIVE YOUR LIFE THE WAY IT IS AND NOT HAVE GOD CHALLENGE THE WAY YOU LIVE AND TELL YOU ITS NOT GOOD ENOUGH, DON'T READ THIS

Todd Agnew - My Jesus
From the album Reflection Of Something

Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ,
Why do you look so much like the world?

I don't know, but I don't like it

Chorus:
Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit, do we pray to be blessed with the
Wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand

ALL of my food is of this world

Chorus:

And who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side
Or fall down and worship at His holy feet

Pretty blue eyes, curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part
Sometimes I doubt we’d recognize Him

Chorus:

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet

Wow, best 2 line of the song, I think My Jesus would be accepted at Cornerstone,
thats why its such a DIFFERENT church, and yet, this makes so much sense to me. 

But He reached for the hurting and despises the proud
I think He’d prefer Beal St. to the stained glass crowd
But I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus
Can I be like You
I want to be like my Jesus

Lord, make me more like you. Make me hate the world and what It has made me. Make me someone who wants to be like you, and isn't worried about your blood staining the carpet at my church, but rather desiring for that to happen.

Why I love the HS group.

Tonight, people will be discussing me. They will discuss ( I think) what I have done, where I've come since then, and what my involvement will be with different ministries at Cornerstone going forward. I sent an email to someone late last night and said this.

I feel scared, and yet confident at the same time. I'm fine with the 8 discussing it, I'm just scared because I want to be a part of the HS thing so much. Its become less about being worried what people will think of me though....

Later in the email, the mood changed a bit.

I just feel stressed, but confident that God's already got the perfect plan. 2 weeks ago , the perfect plan (in my eyes) was me being back in the HS group ASAP, ... but maybe this 3 week period has been the best thing, and maybe a hiatus for a while is a good thing.

I don't have all the answers right now, but I'm confident I am in a good spot. I seriously love these high school kids. and whether I will be in the HS thing or not, I want them to realize that I'm here for them and care for them. I hope to show these kids the love of Christ that people at Cornerstone have shown me!

Even in this time, where they are in the dark about what is going on with me, they have taught me so much and showed they care for me as well.

Many have asked how I am, and its great to here they care. One of them said something that really stuck out

We'll be praying for ya.Don't worry. God will get ya through this period of your life.

How Great to here. To here the confidence in Christ Love that others have. I get that God will get me through, but sometimes I DON'T believe it.

3 weeks ago I didn't believe it. Now, I believe it more than ever.

What I learned about myself yesterday.

Lesson God taught me yesterday was this:

I am TERRIBLE in adjusting to change.


Here's the story:
Woke up yesterday at 8:30 to get ready for church. Am about to leave at at 9:30 to go Cornerstone when my mom sent me a text message. Apparently, my stepdad's stepdad had a heart attack and was in the ICU and my mom wanted me to stay home from church and help my older sister take care of HER mother, who has been here from North Carolina for a couple weeks. I was angry, especially since I emailed people telling them I would be there Sunday morning. I didn't want to look stupid. BUT, I bit my tongue and said ok. I was hoping to be as helpful as possible and avoid an argument.

I was then told I could leave at 12 to get up to James' play I wanted to try and get to (they were sold out but might have POSSIBLY had seats of the will-calls didn't show). So...I planned to do that, but then realized it would be dumb to drive up all to have ONLY A CHANCE at a ticket.
So, once again my plans changed.


Then, I had planned to leave at 3:30 to go the West Valley Church Plant Gathering. Well, when I went to leave, the mother told me that we were driving her mother back to NC then. I argued that I needed to go to this meeting. Then she got mad and told me just to leave, so I did. I then got a text from my stepdad telling me to get home and do what she says. So I angrily raced home. Then when I got home, I was told my grandmother was sick and I could go. So I did. I learned alot about the church plant and the next 9 months yesterday, and that will be discussed later this week, but more than anything I learned about myself and who I REALLY AM!?

So...I learned this as I began crying as I told my mom that I could go because my grandmother is sick. I DO NOT ADJUST WELL TO CHANGE. The thing that upset me more than anything wasn't what was missing...but rather that the plans got changed SO many times.

Now I get why my life is so hard.

Let's be as honest as possible without discussing any names.

I had a desire for a relationship from February to September of last year. To me, the relationship was "there" in my mind, even though the other party never gave that indication. In fact, the indication was anything but, which maybe is why I never wanted to ask about it. Thus, when the answer was no, I felt distress,anger, and just months of being upset . It even upsets me at certain times now, almost 6 months later. But, through God's grace, the feelings have left. So why has it taken this long? Because I CAN not adjust to change well, and that was one of the biggest changes EVER for me. I say that not to make anyone feel bad, I don't have any regrets, except that I hold onto things and never fully give it all to God.
Big Change #2. Desales University. I was so attached to the school, that when I wasn't there anymore, I was angry because I still felt like I SHOULD be there. Ah, hindsight is 20/20.


Lord, make changes in my life according to your GLORIOUS plan. Do it your way, not mine. And please give me peace and understand to accept these changes and not be upset or angry when things don't go as planned. Help these changes to bring me closer to you.

Tonight is the night!

Tonight I will be attending the West Valley church plant gathering at 5PM. The original plan was to wake up, go to Cornerstone, try to get into one of the HS guys' play, then go to this meeting. Unfortunately, plans got screwed and I was asked to stay home until noon and watch my grandmother. I'm pissed off right now. Not because I have to stay home for the day, but because I HATE when my plans get changed. So...not a good way to start my day all mad, but whatever. TONIGHT will be exciting. The description said this.

If you live on the west side of the Lehigh Valley and/or you are willing to pray about living out the gospel of Christ's kingdom through a church plant, join us for an informal "burden inculcating" gathering.

Well, I don't live on the West Side right now so in the description I would be right here:

OR you are willing to pray about living out the gospel of Christ's kingdom through a church plant

I may live there soon though. Last night I was looking at Apartments in Emmaus. I had looked for apartments in the Lehigh Valley before, but never in a direct area. Nothing is even close to finalized, but me and my mom were looking at some places online and I will try to visit some within the next few months. As for the the gathering tonight, I honestly don't know whether I will gowith the plant, or stay with Cornerstone. In the past, I've tried to base the decision on the Pastor, but I love the two of them so much. I couldn't leave one because the other is better or whatever. In two very different ways, they have challenged me to want to be more like Christ.

So...no decision has been made, but I will be there tonight, to pray and think about this.
It should be a great night! Ah, posting about this has made the "PO'd" mode leave. I'm excited for tonight. In the meantime, I'm going to try to get some work done at home.

6 days later.

6 days AGO, I did not want to be at church. I'm glad I was there after all. As I posted about earlier, I was scared and vulnerable. This week, I have become MORE vulnerable about this, telling a handful of people, and its been good to get it out. JK's sermon 2 Sundays ago was titled "Do You Still Not Understand". No I don't , and I know I don't but hearing the song "Here I Am To Worship" this past Sunday helped me get part of it. Here are parts of the Lyrics that hit me hard.

Here I am to worship,
Here I am to bow down,
Here I am to say that you're my God,
You're altogether lovely,
Altogether worthy,
Altogether wonderful to me.

I'll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that cross.
I'll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that cross.

So...if that's my ultimate goal (Westminster Catechism Question Q. #1 What Is Man's chief End? A. To glorify God and enjoy him forever) then why should I NOT want to be at church, why should I be afraid what others think of me? I Shouldn't...but sometimes I am. This song just helped me understand the point. Church isn't where I go to look good in front of friends (Cornerstone is certainly not the church for that anyway). My goal is to worship, and thank the Lord for where he's brought me from and where he is bring me. REMEMBERING THAT will help me be at church to WORSHIP. THAT starts tomorrow.

A decision is pending!

Pending...Maybe not, but on Tuesday, Lord willing, the Session of Cornerstone will be discussion Me. Scary Thought. Further More, they will be discussing things I have done, even thought it was some time ago. Then they will make a decision on where this leaves me in terms of the HS and children's ministry. I have had a hard time coming to grips with the fact that these 5 men (and Jim and John), will be discussing things that 13 days ago I would have not want discussed. I told a couple people that I felt like 5 people who didn't know me would be making decisions that specifically affect me. I have begun to learn, that they aren't just 5 men, but rather leaders of the church whom God has specifically called.I need to trust these men. God has shown me that they WILL NOT jump to any conclusion. I believe they will not judge me, but rather make a decision that benefits everyone, including myself. Ah, I'm in a good place, RIGHT?

These past 12 days.

These past 12 days have taught me so much.

They began with anger and frustration, and left my thinking I did not want to be a part of Cornerstone Presbyterian Church anymore. Instead, I know want to be more a part than ever before.

It's been a time of silence, a time of tears, and THAT is such a good thing (I think). I talk a lot, and its good to have God finally shut me up. As Jim preached about December 9th of last year (Magnificent Kingdom,Myopic Me). Mark 4:35-40. I listened to this sermon again today, and what the passage shows us that Jesus did to the waves and wind, just makes sense to what God has done to me for 12 days. He has told me me "be quite, stop talking".

I had asked God why he did not care about me, and how he could make THIS come up.

I had begun to forget about the promises of God's kingdom
I had forgotten the nature of God
I had forgotten the people all around me.


My desire is to serve the people, but my life HAS BEEN all about myself and what I WILL GET OUT OF SERVING.

It was (IS) a selfish world, and through his word and power, my world is getting turned upside down.


THIS is why I LOVE Cornerstone Sermons on my Ipod. Something I heard 2 months ago, is making sense in the current "storm" I am in, and God has shut my mouth through it.

More wicked than I'd ever dared believe

If you get a chance, check out this amazing sermon by John Kinyon. In this sermon, I learned something incredible, and as I listened to it today, It started to make sense. As John mentioned, "Hopefully you see yourself in her". Hopefully I Can!!

The Faith of a Syrophoenician Woman

24Jesus left that place and went to the vicinity of Tyre.^[a] He entered a house and did not want anyone to know it; yet he could not keep his presence secret. 25In fact, as soon as she heard about him, a woman whose little daughter was possessed by an evil^[b] spirit came and fell at his feet. 26The woman was a Greek, born in Syrian Phoenicia. She begged Jesus to drive the demon out of her daughter.

27"First let the children eat all they want," he told her, "for it is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs."

28"Yes, Lord," she replied, "but even the dogs under the table eat the children's crumbs."

29Then he told her, "For such a reply, you may go; the demon has left your daughter."

30She went home and found her child lying on the bed, and the demon gone.

The gospel teaches this woman in the passage (and me). You are more wicked than you ever dared believe, but you are more LOVED and ACCEPTED than you ever had dared hope.



So... If the above is true, and IF I believe i am the worst sinners, I should not be ashamed of people knowing about my sin, and the worst of it, because I have done much worse than no one could ever even imagine.

The second "if" above is bold and capitalized. Why? Because I believe it...but I don't. I know how bad I am and that I am worse than anyone else, and yet I justify myself all the time. I KNOW about my sin, but I tend to point the fingers at others. As someone told me on the phone yesterday "All you are doing is justifying yourself". So, "if" I believe I am the worst of sinners, I will show it by stopping the attempt to defend and justify myself.

So, IF you want to know what I have been struggling with for 2 weeks, ask me. I'm worse than YOU could ever imagine, so discussing this shouldn't be a problem.

I'm more than willing to share what I've done and how God has changed my life through it.

Who am I?

Who Am I? Really, who Am I.

Here's my story.

I am someone who wants to serve in my church, yet I don't want to serve in my home.

I feel like I have something to teach high school kids, when really I'm the one learning.

I love my Savior, but I hide my faith from people at my school and workplace.

My bloglink goes out in all my emails, but I delete it when the email is not to another Christian or good friend, or if the email is going to someone I don't want to TRULY know me.


This is my life.
I'm sick of this life.
I'm ready to live my faith, not just on Sunday's and Monday nights, but right here (at home), and at school. And I'm ready to be vulnerable, which means the link will stay in every email, whether the email is sent to my pastor, my mom, someone from school, my teacher. I'm ready to live a different life than that one I have been living.

I'm ready for God to make me a new design.

It gets old...

arguing and fighting gets old. What do I have to do to stop it all. I'll do it, just tell me

my spiritual blindness.

Here is what I took from the AMAZING sermon on Sunday. The passage was on Mark 8:22-30. For the first time, it looks like Jesus' power doesn't work the first time.

We are ALL spiritually blind,and this is not just any miracle. Everyone in this passage is blind. Mark is showing us that it might take more than 1 touch from Jesus to cure our spiritual blindness. It is a process. It is so obvious and yet so hard to understand.

The way to become less spiritually blind is to understand how blind you are. Jesus said "I have not come to show you how to save yourself, I have come to SAVE YOU!!!"

Why don't I understand? I don't want to trust everything to God. I will not understand how lost I am until I admit the problem. We often have to be healed in stages. We SHOULD be dissatisfied with our spiritual sight, and ask Jesus to touch our eyes AGAIN and AGAIN.

Spiritual sight needs community and confidence. I need to be vulnerable!

Lord, make me vulnerable. Help me to admit my sin and ask for guidance from the community. Please show me how blind I really am, and please touch my eyes, again and again.

I didn't want to be in church today.

I'll be honest. I DID NOT want to be at Cornerstone this morning. I walked in and felt different. I felt like people looked at me differently (even though very few even know). As I was sitting during our call to worship, I wrote this down.

I don't want to be here today. I feel insecure for the first time in a while. I am shaking and have goosebumps everywhere, and I can't explain it. I can't help but be upset. I feel different here than I ever have. Do people see me differently. I want to cry as I see William looking at me, then I see someone holding his young daughter. These are the kids I want to work with and show Christ love, and now I can't.

I tried to fight back the tears, and then as we began to sing Here I am to Worship they wouldn't stop coming down. Then everything from there made me see my foolishness, or parts of it. During the Congregational Prayer of Confession I wrote this.

We can't stay in confession. If we do, life is hopeless (where mine has been for 7 days). I need to find joy in ALL things. Jesus is my friend, who blesses through strength and WEAKNESS.

I learned so much this Sunday. Thank the Lord for bringing me there when I didn't want to be there. Thank you Lord for teaching me so much today, through all parts of worship (thoughts about the sermon come tomorrow)

What do I fear?

And so the list begins... I was told by a friend that I needed to write out a list of what I fear, and it will bring me closer to working through those things, and trusting God more. I've begun that list.

Here's where I'm at so far.

1. I fear that when everyone finds out ABOUT THIS they will see me as a different person.
2. I fear that God's plan isn't as good as the one I have planned out.
3. I fear being alone.
4. I fear separation from the ministries I want to be involved with for a long period of time.



A short list, just scratching the surface, but it's a start, and the list will grow as I sort through this with God.