Went for a run!

Tonight I went for a run.
I'm not sure why...except for the fact that I've been on this whole "You need to lose wait" thought process...but haven't done anything about it.
As I posted a couple weeks ago, I lost 14.3 pounds in less than a month...doing nothing!

So... I figured, what would happen if I ACTUALLY tried!

So....this is me trying.
I haven't run in so long so this was kind of a jog/walk for just over 2 miles.
It was fun actually.
We'll see when I can do it again, and what kind of a difference it makes.
I know if I really want it to change things, I need to do it consistently..

I've lost it

Don't ask me why, because I don't know why.
All I know is I've lost my connections and accountability at church.
I've spent very little time over the past two Sundays over the past 2 weeks talking to anyone.
Maybe I'm in a rush to get to my plans for the afternoon, but I think it has more to do with me feeling like people just don't want to be involved in my life anymore.

I don't get it, because I've never been like this before.
I've lost touch with my church....

I need to get that "closeness" that makes me desire to be at Cornerstone every week back...

Being a Coach.

Today, I went to lunch and then went to the park to play baseball with a couple younger friends of mine from church. Both of them had not played baseball in a while. I got the opportunity to try and coach them a little bit. Neither of them were bad as they claimed, but there were small fundamentals that needed tweaking. It was cool to notice the problem and help them with it.
One of them would swing to high so I had him swing about 8 inches lower than what he had been swinging when we started. He was able to hit the ball about 6/10 times instead of what was 2 or 3/10 before. He also would try to throw the ball as fast as possible when pitching. I tried to get him to try to locate the pitch more instead of trying to throw it by people. Once he did this, he was able to hit his spots. We will work on the velocity and location combo next time ;)

The other would pitch and not look at the plate, but rather off to the side. Once I had him looking at the plate, he was able to get his pitches where he wanted them. Also, when he played the outfield, he would always take a couple steps in when the ball was hit, and missed a lot of balls because they were going over his head. I told him the fundamental rule of always taking a step back first, and he was much better afterwards.

Then came the real test. As some girls practicing for soccer were jogging...one looked over to check it out. I didn't have to SAY anything here. Instead, I shook my finger from the outfield where I was playing. No words were needed, because they already knew what to do (or in this case, what NOT to do) Just as I pointed out what they were doing wrong with how they pitched,hit, or played the field, they fixed the problem. I did not change the actual swing, arm motion, or first step, rather told them how to do it, and they executed.

When these girls walked past, I hinted at what was needed, but they executed on that and quickly changed what they were doing that was wrong.

Ah, coaching is SO much fun, and I'm not talking baseball (but that coaching was cool to).

What Am I doing with my life?

The simple answer: I don't know.

A year ago, the plan was to finish up at Desales and major in Sports management. THAT is STILL the plan, but now I am considering other careers. Before it was a blinded vision with working for a minor league baseball team. Now the plans have switched up. While I still desire that, there are also other things I am considering.

Here is what I am considering.


1) Stick with my desire all along. Sports Management. The good in that is there are many opportunities within the field, but to get where I want to get (General Manager or front office exec.) you need to not only KNOW people, but get a lot of breaks along the way.

2) Photography. This has become what I have desired lately as a career more than anything else. Sadly, there are not a lot of opportunities in the field... and to actually make some decent $$$, you need to be a REALLY GOOD photographer, as well as know people.

3) Youth Ministries. This has to be what drives me more than anything else. My desire to work with kids. I just LOVE kids, and want to impact the kids around me, so I have considered this a lot. I would love to work full time with youth, whether it be high school, middle school, or LITTLE kids. I love seeing them grow in Christ and learn so much. As many of you know, there are VERY FEW opportunities in this field, and its not a job where your gonna make a lot of money, but this is one job I would do where the amount of money I make would NOT matter!

Smiles :)

Everything is getting better. Still working, but things are better. I'm smiling (for real now).

A good day!

When you wake up, and your family is happy, your happy, and the weather is BEAUTIFUL outside...You just have to thank God for everything you have.

Unless your me, and you haven't realized how good you have it.

It's all a learning process I guess ,right? Talk about a frustrating process. :(

A LITTLE HELP!!!?

Does anyone know of somewhere in the Lehigh Valley that is hiring full time, beginning in June or July? I think this apartment thing might just happen, and seeing as Desales might NOT, I need to find a full time job to work until January when I FINALLY go back to Desales.

Also, if anyone is looking for a place to live, I have 1, possibly 2 rooms....

Of course nothing is set in stone yet...but we're getting closer.

So many questions!

I have SO MANY QUESTIONS.
I want the answers NOW, and it is so hard to trust in God's timing.

A lot of things could change for me over the next couple months.

I am still trying to finish up RACC so I can get my transcript to Desales. Then I will hopefully here from them. I was rejected for the full time job position that I had basically been guaranteed so that frustrated me :(
I talked to someone today who is trying to rent out an apartment in Allentown, where I would like to move in. I got some info about the place today.

At this point, the place opens up June 1st..so I have considered trying to get 2 roomates and push towards getting the place...but I would like to find out what is going on with Desales first. I would also like to apply for a few jobs in the Lehigh Valley and possibly have one lined up before I move.
Last, but certainly not LEAST, I need to get things worked out at home before I go ANYWHERE.

Lord, give me patience, and give me the answers in your time. Help me to show what I am learning and the love and forgiveness you have shown me with EVERYONE I interact with, especailly my family and non-Christian friends!

Questioning God...

That's what I am doing right now.
I don't trust his plan for me and am wondering WHY things are the way they are?
Today someone reminded me of this "When God closes a door, he opens a window"
All I can say, is I hope he opens a window fast. (although I know I need to wait on his timing)


Sigh.

What I'm learning about myself

For much of my life, I have thought to myself: "your really not that bad of a person. Sure you have some problems, but so does everyone else. Your a good Christian who just makes a couple mistakes...but your pretty good. Certainly not as bad as others." Here is what I have learned is actually true: "You are desperately SICK. Nothing you can do will change that. You sin at every possible chance, and nothing you do is good. You can not save yourself. You need a Savior"

I'm thankful for what God is teaching me.
I'm thankful Jesus came so i don't have to do it myself!

John, your strengths and weaknesses, as voted by your friends

This was interesting.

I will analyze this later, but for now you can just see it.

Facebook has a feature where you can "compare friends". I got an email about how I was compared today.
Again, analysis to come, but I guess you can say for now, that this is part of my "life on paper".

This email was sent by Compare People. You can disable emails here.
---
Your friends have voted on your strengths and weaknesses:

STRENGTHS:

most absentee
most tech-savvy
craziest

WEAKNESSES:

best to hang out with for a day
hardest worker

For anyone who cares...Part 2

As if you wanted to read about my weight one more time...

Got on the scale today and was an even 160.0

A serious drop from just under 1 week ago

In 23 days, I have lost 14.3 lbs.

Picture to follow :)

For anyone who cares...

For anyone who cares...which is no one...

My weight is down from 174.3 lbs. on March 24th (3 weeks and a 1 day ago) to 167 lbs when I jumped on the scale 4 days ago. So I lost 7.3 lbs in 17 days.

How?

I have no idea. Because Sleepy's pays for my meals, I can eat out for free. So I have eaten many meals out over the last few weeks.
Wendy's,Mcdonald's, Dunkin Donuts, Arby's, Chik-Fil-A, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Taco Bell, different pizza resturants about 5 different times...you name it, I've been there.


That gut is still there though. All I want is the gut gone. HAHA

So...how is it I eat bad food, and drop 7.3 lbs????
Hmm... I wish everything was this simple.


I credit everything to Fuze. Seriously I love that stuff, and haven't had a drink of anything but Fuze and my Aquafina water for a couple weeks. Ok I lie, I've had a few Arizona tea's as well.

Seriously though...I have a hankering for for a Pepsi right now. There goes that...

Loving the Unlovable

Note: This post is not directed at any individual person, so don't think YOU are THAT PERSON, because that is certainly not the case.


Loving the Unlovable. That's so hard. I've recently had some friends who have been HARD to love. The other day, someone told me "If you want to be involved in ministry, you need to learn to love the unlovable." Ugh, that's like the last thing you want to here when you can't stand someone, Right? But I know it was the first thing and ONLY thing I needed to here. It would have been so much better to here "Just ignore them" or "Tell them you don't want to be around them". But instead I took a dagger right to the heart because my passion is to be involved in ministry. How can I love some and not love others? I sense this in every "group" I am involved with. It's NOT that I don't want to be friends with certain people, its just that some times I need a break...some time away, not just from one certain person or group, but rather I feel like I need a break from MANY people and MANY groups from time to time. Me being around High School kids all the time isn't healthy (even though I love them) The same rings true for C3ers, for friends at Desales, and for adults within my church I like to be around. I love all of these people, but to much of a good thing can't be good..right? Let's be honest. Many of you who know me know that I haven't really "grown up". Yeah there's been progress and a difference in me than a year ago or even 6 months ago. I was able to start to become a different person BECAUSE of the friend's and influences I had, and yet I'm still not all the way there. I guess growing up, like being a Christian for me has been a process, like a tree. You don't expect to plant a seed and have a huge tree the next day. You know that planting that seed will eventually lead to a big tree, but not immediately . IF I don't want to influence people, but rather want to run away and come up with a good excuse to not be around or there when they need me, how are they going to learn, and how will I become a leader?

Matthew 5:43-48 (New International Version)

Love for Enemies
43"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor^[a] and hate your enemy.' 44But I tell you: Love your enemies^[b] and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Lord help me to love the unlovable. Help me show just a glimpse of how you have loved me.

A quote...

I read this last Tuesday and loved it. Actually I have seen it twice, but thought it would kinda weird to step into someone's office and start copying this off their wall! So, it may not be word for word but you can still get the point.

I am God's child. Nothing I do, good or bad, can make him love me more perfectly than he already does in Jesus Christ.

Wow, that just has to GIVE YOU HOPE!

When the Tears fall

There's something about crying that leaves me feeling the renewal. WHAT!!!? Renewal? I can here my readers "No John it brings sadness. " Ah but how untrue...sorta. I would love to say I never cry, because Grown Men Don't Cry, right? But in all reality, for a guy, I cry A LOT, and maybe Grown Men do cry? Tim McGraw certainly thinks they do. Crying is even seen from "the legend", Brett Favre.



For those of you who haven't known me for longer than 5 years (which is most of my readers), crying was something I NEVER did. I grew up and always kept mine to myself. I never cried, I never said I was upset, but I held back my tears and it made me sick. I kept my feelings to myself because I felt that it would be wrong for me to discuss my feelings or to cry. Times have certainly changed. I am open about my thoughts and feelings now, and many of you have seen me cry. I spent a good amount of time on Wednesday night and most of yesterday morning crying. I cry when I see no hope and the filthiness of my life the way it is now.
THAT'S when the renewal comes in. Crying leaves me feeling the need to seek advice, as well as repentance. Then I send those emails, make those calls, and here the Gospel all over again in my life. So while crying stems from sin, being upset, feeling guilty, it leads to renewal and healing. It leads to longing to NOT have those issues which bring those tears. So, I will NOT hold back the tears, I will let them fall. Crying gives me that desire to be more like Christ in my life. It gives me hope and forgiveness, but also the desire to work things out

How Growth Happens.

There is a reason for everything.
I'm convinced God has me do certain things for certain reasons at different times. Here is a good example of this recently in my life.

while working Tuesday, I listened to Jim's sermon on "The 2 D's of Discipleship" from March 9th. I had listened once before and learned some great things, but I like listening to the sermons at Cornerstone a couple times Many times,like on Tuesday, I hear something else that applies to where I am at that particular moment that I didn't catch the first time through. While listening to the sermon, I heard this quote, which makes so much sense to me.

Growth Happens when we stop trying to MAKE IT by our own Desires.

Wow... So I will grow, and become the Man God needs me to be as soon as I STOP trying to make it on my own and stop trying to FULFILL my Desires?? Hmmm

I LOVE this learning process. I don't always know "why" but I know God has a better plan than I have, and I need to STOP trying to do it on my own.

I need to stop trying to Make it on my own desires.

My exciting Tuesday

Last Tuesday, I posted about how I was meeting about membership at Cornerstone and then going to a baseball game Tuesday night. From the post, the game might have seemed like the highlight of my day, and at that point I thought it would be, but the meeting became what made my day.

The meeting was great and in the end, the decision was left up to me to join Cornerstone now or wait. I was asked to list reasons why I would do either.


Reasons to join now:
Submit myself to the leadership of the church.
Get more involved in the church and possibly some ministries I would like to be involved in.
Become a part of "the community"
Because it looks like I will be at Desales in the fall

Reasons to wait:
I currently live an hour and 15 minutes away
I have a full time job lined up (which as of this past Monday looks like I am going to get)
It is hard to have accountability and be part of the church when I live so far away.
What if Desales does not let me back?
What If I decide I am not ready to live on my own?


Ah, decisions.
I would rather just be told "We want you to wait until you are back at Desales and/or live up here."

Instead its left up to me.
That's so hard because I WANT to be a member now, but I BELIEVE there are ALSO reasons should wait...

UGH

When you feel hopeless...

The Conference was great, don't get me wrong. BUT, I have spent today just feeling sick to my stomach about what I have done. Not today, not yesterday, but just new realizations of how I've turned my back so many times. I understand the grace I have been given, but right now, I don't believe it. People try to make is so simple, but if I DO NOT get the accountability I need with SOMEONE, nothing is going to change in my life. I want change. I NEED change.

Things we never talk about in church.

A Conference about Sex!!!?
Is that word even allowed in the Church? Normally the answer is no. That all changed this weekend. It's a topic that many people joke about and laugh about, but when it comes to a serious discussion, no one wants to be in the room. I'll be honest, during the conference there were a few times where I wanted to shout out "Dude, don't say that word!!!"



That all changed this weekend. Besides the notes in the little booklets we got, I took 10 pages of notes on my own. Most of it came from Friday and Saturday night thinking, praying, and writing. Most of what is on this pages will be on this blog over the next few weeks. I don't whether to feel more upset about my past, or more happy/hopeful about my future? Overall, I feel encouraged, but now see more of my sin than I have before.

Wow...the conference is over.

I'm speechless. Seriously speechless.

The conference was amazing. There is so much I learned.
Right now I need some silence.
I have been trying to guide a few guys from the younger group (Middle School and High School) through some of their struggles and thoughts since the conference ended.
I didn't seek them out, but they sought out me.
They want change. That is so encouraging. I don't feel qualified to discuss this, but I'm glad I can at least listen and share my experience.

My prayer (which will be in the prayer marker next week at CPCA).

I am requesting prayer that I will desire to go closer to my Lord and Savior, and not desire for a relationship to save me (AKA relationship with a girl)

Time for silence. Lord give me peace.

Sexual Brokenness and the Gospel

The above is the title of the conference I will be attending Tomorrow and Saturday. I wasn't sure I was even going to get there. I had forgotten it was this weekend, and so instead of scrambling to find a place to stay and look like an idiot, I decided not to call when I remembered Thursday AM that the conference started today. When I got home tonight from work, my mom asked if I had a place to stay and I told her I did not. She made a call (even though I begged her not to) and found a place to stay. I just feel like its wrong for me to give people less than a few days notice! Besides, I didn't want to look irresponsible. Oh well, I guess I still have lots of learning to do. Besides #2, it's not anyone's job to let me stay at their house. THIS Is why I need to move to the Lehigh Valley SOON!!! ;)


As for the conference, I am so excited!

I received a later on Tuesday march 25th about the conference. It began with,

Dear Cornerstone family,
We pray this letter finds you well-spiritually,emotionally, and relationally.

My jaw just about hit the floor as I read that, because it was basically the opposite of how I wrote that I felt 24 hours before.

I'm worn out. Seriously worn out. I don't know why but I am SOOO tired. I am physically tired. I am emotionally tired. Worst of all, I am spiritually tired after not being at my church this week. Plus, it was a tough weekend with my family. I need your prayers more than ever.

The letter Cornerstone sent encouraged me so much. It helped me understand that the way I'm feeling, there were others right there with me.

This conference is going to be awesome.

A safe place for gospel hearing

is what the letter describes it as. Just what I need. Just what we all need. The coolest thing is Cornerstone is the one place i have felt open with people about this stuff. Why? Because there's no condemnation, rather "a safe place for gospel hearing"

Frustration sets in

Frustration has CERTAINLY set in.
I have been SO busy with work and finishing up these 2 classes for school....that I completely forgot about the conference this weekend. I signed up for the conference (Sexual Brokenness and the Gospel) over 6 weeks ago. Yet, I forgot to put it in my brain (also known as my phone) and so I didn't see it on my schedule for this week.

Thankfully, I told my mom about it and she said that I should go, which is surprising since she normally doesn't want me going anywhere if I don't work 40 hours in a week.

Monday I got rained out
Tuesday was my meeting up at the office, then the Phillies game
Today I worked 8 hours
Tommorow I will work 11
Friday I will work 8

So, that will leave me with 27. Now I am not sure where I will be staying Friday and Saturday night. (I'm certainly not driving back Friday or Saturday night).

I seriously need to get my schedule organized.
UGH


Now that I have that off my chest, tomorrow I will discuss the meeting from Tuesday, and then will discuss the actual conference this weekend at some point before Friday night.

Sick.

I'm sick right now. It sucks. I NEVER get sick, but I'm sick today. Its the first time in a while that I have been sick, but I still feel like crap. I have refused to take the medicine I need to take, because I'd rather feel sick and get through my day then have some medicine making my system all funky. Its not that bad, just a really sore throat, but for someone who gets sick every 2-3 years, it feels terrible. Ah, but today is a very exciting day!

I have a meeting up in Coopersburg today, so I'm very excited for that.

Then, TONIGHT IT ALL BEGINS. Finally, baseball for me is back. I will be attending the Exhibition game between the Reading Phillies and Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs, the AA and AAA teams of the Philadelphia Phillies. For those of you that don't know baseball, the AAA is the minor league level right below the Philadelphia Phillies, and the AA Reading Phillies, where I have spent many days of my summers for as long as I can remember.
Tonight, 6:35 they play each other.
For those of you that don't know me and my hobbies, I'm a huge baseball geek and you'll often see me at many Reading Phillies games, taking pictures and getting autographs. It's always been a hobby of mine. I thought that when I grew up it would become less of a hobby, yet I have grown that its not just a hobby for kids anymore.

Enjoy your day everyone. Sickness and all, I know I will enjoy mine!