I'm Home and I'm safe. Yeah I finally have that roof over my head again after a few days of being broken and upset. It's sad that I did not trust God over those terrible days, and yet he held onto me. I didn't trust him though. It was not good. I was told over the weekend to write down a list of what I needed to confess, and so I began that list and here are some that stick out, some will show up in later blog post.
#10 I feel like I have been handed the 'short end of the stick' by God and everyone around me.
#13 I sometimes wonder if God is sleeping while I'm hanging by a thread.
#14 I don't trust that God is enough for me.
Obviously I can see that these things are certainly not true, he has provided for me so much, but when you are alone and feeling like you have no hope, you (I) get these sinful thoughts about being alone.
Now is where the rubber meets the road. Am I going to be the John of before I was kicked out or the John that God has called me to be? I wish I knew the answer to that. It of course, is my hope that with God's grace this could be my wake up call and change the way I deal with my family and everyone else around me. It's been encouraging to receive support and love from some wonderful friends over the past few days. You know who you are, so thank you for everything. Most of all, thank you for your honesty. A few things that I heard from friends was things I DID NOT want to hear, and inside I wanted to be angry at them, even though I knew it was true. So thank you SO MUCH to those of you who were honest and told me the way it was.
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