first grade and a test of my patience

So boys and girls....my first grade came in today for this semester. I had missed a Comp + Lit test last week when I was asked to leave home. Well I took it today after my first class (which I also had a test in and it went pretty well, should be between a B- and a A) and tonight I got the test back . I had thought I did terribly on it and would get like a C-. Well I got a B+ so I was very happy. I called my dad and he asked why I didn't get an A- ( he says he was kidding but I know the student in him was serious, bu that's the motivation I need so its cool).

In other news....I have no patience.

I have learned that this week?

Why you ask?
Well....because I have checked my churches website basically every 5 minutes of every day this week because their new website was supposed to go live Monday. Well its not live and I am getting frustrated. So maybe someone at Cornerstone is testing my patience? HAHA

either way if anyone from Cornerstone reads this...please tell SOMEONE that I am GOING CRAZY in anticipation.

thanks


JS roll out

Me and Relationships.

I'm hurting right now. I'm broken right now.

I've been thinking about me and relationships, not just any...but that ONE.

I'll be honest...I cried tonight. I broke down.

I said this

" I want someone to promise me, to tell me and make sure it is true, that I will not always be alone, that the one girl is out there somewhere. I want someone to promise me that all the hurt I'm going through will someday be worthwhile. "


Can someone please promise me that True Love Waits? I mean is this some sick joke? Am I going to get to the end of my life, single and alone and realize that this was all a big 'jokes on John'. I hope not, but right now I see the relationships around, and me desiring for that, but I don't want just a relationship for the sake of being in one, but rather, I want to find that girl I'm going to spend forever with. I see the relationships all around and eventually it just hits the peak and I break down.


Tonight I broke down and just cried.
I'm a mess. I covet your prayers.

What's my vision?

So vision dinner was last night...

Food was awesome thanks to my amazing parents and Sarah who helped me get the meal together :)

So I guess the biggest question I have is where do I go?
I honestly thought my decision would be simple, and yet... now I don't know what I want to do, or rather where God has called me to go... It's frustrating to be uncertain about my future.

I'm excited to see where God calls me and what ministries I can serve in in the future.

High School Ministry.

So... the time has come. On Monday I will be attending the Cornerstone high school ministry just to check it out and see if its something I would like to help with, although I believe I already know I want to.

Here's what my thoughts are off the top of my head.

1. I don't want to step on any toes. I was approached about it by someone involved in it. That person told me they needed another guy to help with it. The idea intrigued me. I hope no one is angered/upset by my interest in serving in this ministry

2. I don't want to try to be person in charge. As far as I can tell,this won't be a situation handed to me (which is good). Down the road, maybe that's something that may or may not happen, I honestly don't know. But I don't want this to be the "John show", I want it to be the God show, and I don't want to take charge unless I am asked (In that case, I am not desiring it, but if that is how I am called to serve, I will do so). Honestly I don't think this should be an issue.

3. I want people to be able to turn off the "fun time". Many of the high schoolers know me as someone who is funny all the time (or tries to be). I mean, I like to be happy and have fun, but I want them to realize that I AM NOT there to joke around all the time. Will it be fun for me to be with them and vice versa at times? I sure hope so, but there's a time to be funny and a time to be serious
(Made me think of this old song)
To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time for every purpose, under Heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep


The main idea there is that there's a time for everything, and while at the high school ministry may not be the best time to be cracking jokes all the time.


So why do I want to get involved in the High School Ministry?
Well If I were being interviewed (which I'm not...as far as I know...) or if I were to give an introduction to the HS'ers of who I am and why I am there (Which I won't unless I'm asked to please don't ask) it would go something like this.

I'm here because I can relate well to kids in high school, as well as I'm recently out of high school (2 years) so I know what High Schoolers go through and I have been through all of those things and more in my days as a teenager, and yet God's grace has lead me through. If my teenage years were a test of whether I can follow God's rules, I have failed the class every single day for the past 6 1/2 years, and yet one of the biggest things I have learned is that what Jesus did on the Cross covers all of that failure and gives me not just a passing grade in the course, but an A+. The struggles are still there, and always will be, but I trust that he is enough for me. I still argue with my parents, don't show kindness to those around me, don't put my best effort in when I work,ect. and yet I will get up tomorrow with his help and give it another shot. Many of you know me as someone who goes bowling, or goes to movies, as someone who likes to have fun and be funny, and I do, but I believe that the lessons you learn here are more important than the newest movie you saw, the best game for your PS3 or Xbox360, or how much money you have. This is the #1 most important thing, whether your 5,13,19,30, or 89. I hope to show you through what I say,and also what I do, that everything God is trying to teach you is what you need to set your sights on and show ambition to find his will for your life more than than ambition for your favorite thing in the world. If you ever have questions about anything you can come to me with full trust that it will stay between us.





Edit: Wow I just wrote that all without thinking it out prior, not bad IMHO for on the spot and at 3 AM :)

Things I've realized through this tough week.

So, I've been home for about 40 hours and just realized something last night. Basically my mom asked me how much gas I had and I told her I needed gas, and she then asked what of my paycheck I had left and I told her. She then handed me her credit card and told me to go down to Trailside (where I work) and fill up my tank, get her a gallon of tea and also get drinks I wanted (I am suddenly addicted to Fuze, blame it on Dave and Alyssa Reed having it at their house) so I put $50 in gas in my car and drinks were $10. These 2 days have been good. No arguments or disagreements. Obviously, life won't always be perfect. I never realized that all my parents want is to be respected, not argued with every second, have me show a willingness to be helpful, and for me to show some gratitude? My parents are more than willing to pay for everything I need and more. (Including my Fuze) I just need to show them the respect they deserve.

I'm finally understanding it...

Home. and. Safe.

I'm Home and I'm safe. Yeah I finally have that roof over my head again after a few days of being broken and upset. It's sad that I did not trust God over those terrible days, and yet he held onto me. I didn't trust him though. It was not good. I was told over the weekend to write down a list of what I needed to confess, and so I began that list and here are some that stick out, some will show up in later blog post.

#10 I feel like I have been handed the 'short end of the stick' by God and everyone around me.
#13 I sometimes wonder if God is sleeping while I'm hanging by a thread.
#14 I don't trust that God is enough for me.


Obviously I can see that these things are certainly not true, he has provided for me so much, but when you are alone and feeling like you have no hope, you (I) get these sinful thoughts about being alone.

Now is where the rubber meets the road. Am I going to be the John of before I was kicked out or the John that God has called me to be? I wish I knew the answer to that. It of course, is my hope that with God's grace this could be my wake up call and change the way I deal with my family and everyone else around me. It's been encouraging to receive support and love from some wonderful friends over the past few days. You know who you are, so thank you for everything. Most of all, thank you for your honesty. A few things that I heard from friends was things I DID NOT want to hear, and inside I wanted to be angry at them, even though I knew it was true. So thank you SO MUCH to those of you who were honest and told me the way it was.

Being Homeless...

So....for those of you who don't know, I am kinda living out of my car right now. I was told by my parents to leave on Saturday. It honestly has been the worst 3 days of my life. I am sick to the stomach that it has come to this. I have spent the past few days with friends, talking to those I respect about what I should do. My parents are willing to let me come home, but I would need to get a full time job to do so. I'm not sure where this leaves me in terms of school right now or in the future. I've spent 3 days alone, and it really has been the worst 3 days of my life. I left thinking "Thank God, I'm finally getting away" and instead, its been 3 days of tears and feeling alone. I want to go home more than anything I've ever wanted before. You never know what you got till its gone, and the grass is certainly not greener on the other side. In fact, my "grass" has been brown or dead and there's not a green patch anywhere.

I'm ready to go back to that other side. I want to be able to confess my sins without expectations, and want to beg for forgiveness a lot like the story of the prodigal son.

Luke 15:11-32 (New International Version)

The Parable of the Lost Son

11Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. 12The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.

13"Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

17"When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' 20So he got up and went to his father.
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'

22"But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. 24For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.

25"Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27'Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.'

28"The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'

31" 'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' "

The Closest I've been to becoming famous...

The Closest I've been to becoming famous... was the following

After an email I sent to Barry Bonds (because I was a kid who didn't know he shoved needles in his butt cheeks, and thought he was a legend) I got a shout out from Barry, which he did after about every blog post for 10-20 fans

It's about as close as I'll ever come to fame, Barry Bonds (or someone who works for him) taking 3 seconds to type my name.

Wow....my life is sad

October 13, 2004

Hello fans,

The season is over for me and I would like to send a big thank you to all of you who have sent me emails and pictures. I'm very happy that I started the web site because it gave me a chance to get closer to my true fans. Reading emails while I was on the road or at home was always a great inspiration; when things weren't going so well I was able to read your well wishes and they helped change my outlook of things.

I've tried my by best to keep up with the shout outs but the emails were coming in faster than I could read them. In the off-season, I will review what we did on the site and work on making things better for you. I have many ideas and we will see what will make it on the site for Opening Day and Spring Training.

During the off-season, I will be in San Francisco, LA and the East Coast, spending time with my kids and attending some school functions. I will update the site with important things such as events and special moments. My email will however be working overtime because I want to answer more emails from fans. So don't be surprised if you wrote me in April and I'm only getting back to you now.

It's been an honor to celebrate my 660 and 700 milestones with all the fans around the world. The weekend I hit 700, I received emails from fans in Australia who watched it on MLBTV. Now that's a great feeling. I was just in my Gallery section on the site looking over the pictures from each of those milestones, and I have to say that the gallery is taking shape.

I would like to thank Team Barry (Rachael, Lisa, JB and Tony) and MLB. The fans loved it. I also want to thank my mom, for supplying "Pictures from the Past." It was nice to see some of those pictures myself. The funny thing about that is I was told that when the baby pictures were posted, email volume increased. Finally, I would like to thank all my licensees for getting to my fans fun and affordable products.

Well, that's it for now...back to emails and rehab for my knee. I will be 100% when the season starts.

Thanks again to all of you, my great fans,

Barry

Shout outs:
Joe Moore, Boston Chris Petrof John Piercy Michael Rosa, San Francisco Pei-ken Hsu Fernando Gonzalez Jagan Samudrala Fred Emery Stanley Duitsman Sam & Woody Whitfield	Jason Baum Anthony Horsley Sr Julie Orender Paula McCoskey John Schuchman Victoria De La Rosa Anthony Pena Allen Grant Natalie Pieretti Pierre Brumaire, Montreal

yes its real, read the post from his website on the link below


http://barrybonds.mlb.com/players/bonds_barry/journal/journal.jsp?id=archives_04

How sin blurs my vision.

Just a thought. I left church last week and on the way home I said to myself "Well If I do not struggle with it (a sin I have been struggling with lately) this week, I will not feel so terrible when I go to church next Sunday." And sure enough, it was an issue this past week again. I think I can fix everything myself, when in all reality, I'm a complete mess that can not do anything right, ever. I need Jesus to take away my sins, no effort of my own to 'have a good week' is going to make the struggles I face go away!

more questions?

So....membership matters class last night. I think I left with more questions than I went there with.


One sticks out more than the rest

1. If I believe I am called to serve, where do I serve... Do I do it by assisting in the children's ministry, or the high school ministry...or both?
My thoughts are that I would like to serve in both, but the logistics with me living over an hour away might interfere with with my ability to be there Monday nights.

Awesome Sermon's!

If you get a chance, check out Joshua Harris' "purity" sermons. (Part 1-7) you can download them for free on the Covenant Life Church Podcast on Itunes.

Check them out!.

AWESOME CLASSES!!!

YESSSS!!!!

YES!!!!!!!!


SO...I am happy

I started class today and I have 2 classroom classes and 2 online courses. Well, both of my classes I actually have in a classroom ARE AWESOME!!!


Both of the teachers are funny and make me want to be in class!!!!
That makes it so much better for me to learn!!!!

I am soooo HAPPY!.

This is going to be an AWESOME semester :)

My new year's resolution

No guys, my news years resolution was not to blog more as you might think after seeing 3 post in as many days.

IF I made a resolution (and i didn't) it would have been something like: get down to about 160 pounds, make it to the gym twice a week, put on some muscle, and so many other things

but we all know that i DID NOT make a resolution because its just dumb ok?
but trust me

I will drop about 20 pounds to 160, I will pack some muscle, and I will be back
lol


No but seriously. One of my biggest goals is to get more involved in Cornerstone which will start with the membershipp matters class, and joining the church, getting involve din the children's ministry... and other things to be discussed at later times.

This will be a great year for me.

i just know it will be, failed resolutions/goals and all

My New Year's Eve

So, Happy New year everyone!

2008 has arrived....and I was sleeping when it did.

I have never really 'understood' the idea of staying up all night to watch the ball drop.
So last night I stayed home and went to bed at 11:30 because I was (and am) still aching from football. It's not like I had nothing to do...I mean I had 4 people call who wanted me to come to a party or dinner of some sort. I just wasn't up for driving anywhere or doing anything.

So I slept for 10 hours...

It was fun, I'd like to try it again some day

Well again, happy 2008 to all of you... I hope you all are not scared by how terrible of a singer Milley Cirus is like I was. She was on ABC at around 10:30 and I almost died.
She should never sing again.