Right now I'm upset. I'm broken, I've taken most of the day to let the tears out. I feel worse then when I had no home. Has this really happened? I liked the idea of life on paper that my buddy Jim mentioned. Unfortunately for me, my life on paper is depressing, sad, and just further realization to the truth that you can't leave your past behind. Everything I want to do has been taken away from me. Now I'm no longer serving where I feel called. Maybe I'm not called to do this, maybe I'm not called to this church the way I thought I was. OR, maybe this just means this is right where I'm called to be. I don't even know what I'm talking about, but I do know that my life which was once personal between me, one person I trust, and my family, has become something that has been, or will be revealed to a handful of people, if not more. Does this mean people trust me less? I think it does. Check that, I know it does. People don't trust me. What they don't understand is I'm not the person I once was. People saw me upset. A friend from just called and asked if I was ok, because I wasn't myself after church.
No, I'm not ok, and no I'm not the same person.
Tears and no words have replaced the smile that is always on my face.
It's not going to go away right away either. I need some time to figure my life on paper out, and where it leaves me.
I've been called to serve, I know I have. And yet, for the first time in my life, today I was told "no"
1 comment:
John,
what is this about?
What did the church tell you NO about?
Please talk to me....
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