2 strikes...

Applied for 2 in store position with Sleepy's over the past 2 months.
Didn't get either.
Today I had an interview for a 3rd.
I don't want to strike out.
I sure hope I get this job...
I am more confident this time than the two times before, but still very unsure as to what will happen.

My prayer is that God's will be done, even if it means I don't get the job and I strike out.

:/

Let me say this!

Hopefully I won't get in trouble, somehow I know I will.

But...I just have to say this.

Going really really fast around a corner and having the back of the car you are in slide is really really really cool.

Totally cool
I'll try to be more responsible next time.
Promise :P


but it was fun!

I did it!

Yes, I finally I did it.
Tonight I called two friends from Cornerstone/C3.
I did both for different reasons, but both needed to be done.
Tomorrow another call will be made.
If I want my community back, I need to keep in touch with my friends whom I trust, whether it be for 3 minutes or 30, whether its just to quickly to see how there week is going, to show transparency in my life, or to get their help or advice.

The point is, I finally made 2 of those calls tonight, and another will be made tomorrow. (I meant to call tonight but it got too late)

If I want a friend, I need to be a friend.

I'm so thankful for the good friends God has brought into my life. :)

Vacation so far!

Here are some pictures from the vacation so far! It has been a blast!

<---I was very excited to see one of these!!!!

<---One of my favorite pictures that I have taken. In Flight.































<-----The Little Brother. :) Very happy to be on vacation, just like me!

Vacation!!!

Today, I leave for vacation!
I am SOO excited!
7 days to "chill"
7 days without work!!!
7 days of sand in my pants and shoes
7 days of relaxation
and (hopefully)
7 days to appreciate all the things in my life and
7 days to enjoy the Beautiful things the Lord has created!!

I'll Pray for you

I'll pray for you.

Four words that give me hope, and yet I hate them.
It's great to have a church family carring and knowing about me, but SO many people (including myself) say we will pray, but never do.

I can't remember how many times I have gotten the prayer marker at Cornerstone, all to shove it in my bible and not look at it all week! It's too many times, and I am ashamed of myself.

What a disgrace, to promise to lift my family up and prayer, and yet not take a few minutes to do so.

So, I won't say I'm going to pray for them. Instead, I will SHOW that I care, by actually praying and continue to ask them how things are going.

Friends, please do the same for me.
Don't tell me your going to pray for me all to forget. Be there for me, challange me, stay in touch with me, AND pray for me. I can't do this on my own.

Another interesting quote from Lost.

I love Lost, I really do. As I was flying through Season 1 and came upon Episode 20:Do no harm, I heard this quote said by Jack to his father in a flashback which made me think.

What If I can't be the husband or the father I want to be?

Isn't that what ever guy is afraid of? Ok maybe not, I don't know. Actually, what I fear isn't about me and could be better said like this,

What if I can' be the husband or the father God wants me to be?

I'm not sure why, but that really scares me.. What if I will never be good enough? I worry to much, especially about events that are most likely many years away in my life, and I have no control over.

I BLAME you

For everyone who cares... (every time I say that...I just KNOW that no one cares) but for the crazy lunatics that do care...I am ADDICTED to Lost. It's almost like a disease or a drug...but I am flying through Season one at a super fast pace. I should have season one finished by Thursday or Friday of this week. From there, I will pick up Season two and possibly Season three next week while on vacation!

Yes everyone, I am on board with the Lost phenomenon.

I could spend hundreds of blog post asking questions, but what fun is that, and how would I have use for www.lostpedia.com if you all answered my questions? :P

I got it!

I think I understand part of what has led me to believe I have "lost community" at Cornerstone.

I don't know people the way they know me. I feel like there are people that now everything about me that I really don't know anymore.

That's OK! I don't need to know everything. I'm glad I can at least understand what is going on in my head. I will get some of that community back Saturday Night. FINALLY, C3 is meeting this Saturday night. I'm excited :)

I blame the church.

This post has sat as a Draft since April 15th, because I didn't know IF I should say it, or how to say it properly. Yet, it needs to be said, so I will say it.

Maybe I shouldn't say this, but it has been on my heart lately and I feel that it needs to be said.

I BLAME the church for the problems our youth are having. The "church" can be described as many things. In this context, I blame everyone. I blame church pastors,elders, and deacons. I blame parents of these kids, and I blame myself, for not showing a better example.
I feel like kids are the one group at church that can't talk about their problems. I have had a discussion with 3 or 4 people about what I can and what I can't discuss with youth when it comes to struggles. I sometimes feel they don't understand what the college kids or adult go through. If the Sexual Brokenness taught me anything, it was that these kids DO STRUGGLE WITH THIS STUFF, sometimes more than the rest of us. They struggle with the pornography, the checking out of the girls at school and everything else. The only thing that is different than an adult/college kid and a high schooler, is I know others who struggle with it who I can talk to about it. THESE KIDS don't have that!! Instead they just get slapped on the wrist or have their computer privileges taken away, or are not allowed to hang out with certain friends,ect. I was told to not share personal struggles with some of the high schoolers, yet when they asked me if I struggled with something, I was honest with them. For these kids, there is no healing, just guilt and the feeling of being the ONLY KID who deals with this. I blame this on the church, not any specific church, but rather the ENTIRE church body.

Maybe the church doesn't know how to deal with it? I don't know, but I have seen BROKEN kids who feel hopeless because the church has not stepped up and said "Hey kids, we know what you are going through. Seek a close friend to keep you accountable. Seek out your parents, no matter how awkward. Seek out another adult or older friend that you can talk to. If you can't find anyone to talk to, come to a leader in the church" Instead the church is speechless. Maybe they feel that they lack a way to deal with the epidemic. Maybe the don't WANT to deal with it?


If I know anything,it is this.
They NEED to learn to deal with it,because there are a ton of kids who need someone to talk to, to tell them it's ok to cry, to help them find the forgiveness that is found in Christ.

Why I'm upset

Here's why : There are a handful of people who TRULY know me at Cornerstone, and most of them have not talked to me in over 2 weeks. Maybe part of it is my fault. I don't call during the week, but mostly because I feel like people are too busy to want to take that time to talk. I really have no desire to be around right now. I know that I want to be at Cornerstone, I mean I'm contemplating joining the church because of the "community", but recently, the people who know John inside and out, for the most part haven't talk to me, haven't been around, and it really upsets me. Maybe it's that there hasn't been C3 for a while,maybe I've been "distant", and maybe now that it is summer, all those things will change. I said it already 2 weeks ago and things are still the same. I just wish I would have that closeness back with the few people that really know me. Its frustrating, but I also realize maybe its a good thing.

Whoever cannot be alone should beware of community...[and] whoever cannot stand being in community should beware of being alone.

This Brought Tears to my Eyes!

I'm a HUGE Spurs fan, and would never want to show supports for a team that my Spurs are playing, but I just HAD to share this!
I can't help but cry, I just cant.
Read this story and you will cry your eyes out like I did!

Chris Paul will honor a boy whose wish to see the Hornets went unfulfilled

Cancer victim tribute afoot

Thursday, May 08, 2008

By Katy Reckdahl Staff writer

Before tonight's playoff game, New Orleans Hornets superstar point guard Chris Paul will write the name "Brian" on his shoes, paying tribute to an 8-year-old fan who died Monday night before he could meet his basketball hero.

Brian, who had cancer, wore his Chris Paul jersey nonstop, said Michael McMyne, president of A Child's Wish of Greater New Orleans, an all-volunteer nonprofit that helps fulfill the wishes of about 100 critically ill Louisiana children each year. McMyne asked that Brian's last name not be used to respect the privacy of the grieving family.

Brian's wish was simple: He wanted to go to a Hornets game.

So McMyne got him tickets to Monday night's playoff game against the San Antonio Spurs.

But at the last minute, a friend of Brian's family called to cancel. The boy had been rushed to the hospital with a high fever, she said. He died hours later.

In his final weeks, Brian told his family that he knew he was going to heaven and that he wanted to meet Jesus wearing his Chris Paul jersey.

Someone within the Hornets organization sent around an e-mail telling Brian's story. It caught the eye of Paul and Hornets owner George Shinn. Both cried.

"It was very touching to me. Tears welled up in my eyes," said Shinn, who sent flowers and a letter to the family and offered to help with funeral costs. The family, overwhelmed with grief, was touched by his kindness but declined. The location and time of the funeral also are private.

Shinn and his wife hoped to attend the funeral with Paul and his parents. But the team will be on road at the time, so that isn't possible, Shinn said. The family plans to bury Brian in his favorite jersey, as he requested.

Footwear tributes aren't new, Shinn said. But usually the name is directly connected to the player. His mother. A family member. A favorite coach. "The NBA allows you to do that, to honor that person," Shinn said.

Shinn has never before seen a player write a fan's name on his footwear, "particularly a fan that the player hadn't even met," he said.

The tribute is "above and beyond imagination," McMyne said. "This genuinely heartfelt response by Chris Paul made this delicate family feel fortunate as they grieve their angel."

What have I done to deserve all the blessings in my life?? I have SO much, and yet I take it for granted and act like I don't have "enough"! Why do I FAIL to appreciate all the blessings in my life! The following is all I can think about when I read this:

I live my day to day as if I have ALL the time in the world for things that are important! I fail to see the big picture. I think I am invincible, when really, it could all be taken AWAY from me any day. Lord, teach me to take nothing for granted. Teach me to live my life for you,not for myself. Teach me to come to you as a child, helpless,weak,and hopeless without you.

Frisbee brings a renewed rivalry

On Sunday, I played Frisbee with about 15 people. Most of them attended Cornerstone or were friends of people who went to Cornerstone whom I had met before. I decided to invite my buddy Alan from Desales. I hadn't seen him for a few months, and he loved sports so I figured it would be fun. While at Desales, although we were friends, I always felt a rivalry between the two of is. I was jealous of him for EVERYTHING. He had good looks, a girlfriend, a 4.0 (and he barely studied), and the athletic ability that I desired more than anything else, oh and he had the Faith that I didn't . The rivalry died down a bit because I could just never live up to his standards. On Sunday, I realized just how much I envied him. As he was running around the field on EVERY play, I was struggling to just not pass out. What use to be a rivalry that drove me to quit, has now become something that has made me try even HARDER. When I saw him start to run around making amazing plays on every play, it made me step up my game a bit and play at 150%. I still wasn't the player he was, but I definitely stepped up my game to where he made me a better player on the field. I felt like I had to work THAT much harder whether it was running as fast as I could all time, or laying out for a diving catch just to get people to pay attention to my game, and not to his.
I played my heart out, and left it all on the field, so I'm proud of myself for what I accomplished.
I gave it my best, which is as much as I can give.

You said "please"

Yesterday, I went to Wendy's for some food while I was working. Yes I already know that I shouldn't be eating at Wendy's, but hey, I was starving, and it was cheap and quick. So anyway...once I pulled up to get my food, the sweet old lady asked if I wanted some ketchup, to which I responded, "Yes Please". She then said something that really shocked me, "You said please". I responded with "Doesn't everyone?" and we had a little chat in which she stated I was a really good kid and how my parents must have raised me right...

Anyway... I just have to wonder where the kindness has gone? I can't believe people are so rude that they are not willing to say please and thank you. Our country has become such a "me-first" society. It really makes me sick

Maybe I am hopeless...or maybe I'm far from it?

It's Tuesday and nothing has changed :/


And yet...I make mistakes. If there's anything I have learned over the past year or so, it's that I WILL always have struggles. They will be there no matter how hard I try to avoid them, so the question is what will I do with those struggles?

I can't change things so far...but today, I will give God the time of my day he deserves.

Things need to change:

Things need to change. They need to change NOW. If I can not change things THIS WEEK...I truly AM hopeless...

Another Sunday Lesson

In Church this past Sunday, John Kinyon was up in Scranton at Hope Church. and we had the pleasure of having their pastor, Steve Wilson with us. It was basically a Pastor Swap for the day. YAY! Before I even heard Steve, I heard a challenge. As we entered the
Renewel" Jim said he following,

Who I am is different than who I think I am.

He told us to spend some time exploring that. I have done so this week, and you will here more about that sometime soon. Then, when Steve gave his sermon, a couple things stuck at....actually more like slapped me in the face. One directly addresses a soon-to-be blog post about people and their talents, as well as my recent post about the "loss" of community at Cornerstone! He said that

We have a desire to have a whole community like us that we lose what gifts we do have by envying the gifts others have. We don't feel like we need others. We feel unneeded and unwanted.

Wow....isn't that me in a nut shell? I desire community, but I also envy the gifts of others (good grades,great looks, better athletic abilities). By doing so, I lose part of the gifts I do have ( having a heart for the needs of others, relating well to teenagers, having the ability to work well with kids).

I don't feel like I need others. I sometimes do feel like I am not wanted, but mostly because I spend so much time trying to fix all my problems by myself.

Save me Jesus
I'm a mess.

God, the cell phone charger

I stayed at my dad's house last night after the Yankees game. I didn't think I would stay there, but I was just getting to Reading back from Desales at 3 AM, and was totally worn out. I didn't have a cell phone charger, so I was not able to charge my phone. Luckily for me, my phone has a battery that last forever. Its amazing. What's funny is I NEVER want to charge my phone unless my phone is dead...or will be before I'm home again. It's as if I'm on a pay per charge plan! :P

Today I began to think as I was mowing the lawn (where I do my best thinking besides my drives to Allentown and in the shower) and thought: The way I treat I charge my phone is very similar to how I tend to treat God. That doesn't make much sense so let me explain.

The only time I charge my phone is when I desperately NEED to charge it.
In the seem way, the only time I seek a "charge" (direction) from God...is when I desperately need it (After I have tried doing it my own way). Thankfully, God's charge never runs out. AMEN
Sadly, I don't seek him first AS OFTEN as I should.

Lord, help me come to you before trying things myself!
Help me know your where I will get all of the answers I need!

What have I done!?

Tonight, I went to the Yankees game in NY. I love going to baseball games, and will NEVER turn down a chance to walk into Yankees stadium with a Red Sox shirt on....and come out alive. You can learn a lot about people by what they say when you where the apparel of their rivals, but that's another story for another day! I learned a lot about myself after the game. Maybe it was the crowd, maybe it was the six friends I was with. I don't know. But here is what I DO know. There was a man, in a wheel chair who had something wrong with him. I couldn't tell you what, mostly because I didn't make him worth my time. He was sitting there trying to sell some candy to people as they walked by. He didn't look up at anyone. I saw him and looked quickly as I walked past. Then I kept moving and stopped and looked back not once,not twice, but THREE TIMES. Each time, I told myself it would be the right thing to do to go over and buy some candy. Instead I kept walking, and have thought about it ever since. I really WANTED to go over to him, but was scared of the unknown I guess.

I don't know that my money would have made a difference in his life, but heck...it could have bought him dinner when he probably didn't have any food?


I could have helped the helpless and refused
I'm sorry to the man. More importantly I'm sorry to God, because I KNEW what I should have done, but didn't
John...you idiot. How can you be Jesus to those who see you unless you are willing to step outside of your comfort zone and do something for other INSTEAD of living for yourself??





That's me talking to myself.
I need to here it.

Sigh...