The faithlessness

More or less, I'm happy with my life. But sometimes, I am just so frustrated and so unsure about where I'm going that it bothers me. Sometimes, I even find myself depressed, even if it's for a very short period of time. Somehow the last 48 hours I've been in that time. It's hard for me to be depressed because of the faith and the biblical promises I stand on and live my life around.

When things go wrong, for the most part I have a faith that lets me get through it. I know that God has everything in control and for the most part I trust him with that. Yet sometimes, I still am just utterly depressed. I don't know what it is and sometimes I don't know why but I just know that at times I question that plan and I wonder and come up with no answer about why things go the way they do sometimes. It bothers me to be depressed, because it feels like I'm not truly standing on the solid ground, but sometimes I just feel like this. I know it won't last forever, I know it's just temporary, and I do know that God has everything under control. What I don't understand is why I don't always trust that.

For years, I had just assumed when I was depressed that my faith was not real. Maybe I wasn't real? That's what I told myself. Instead, what I have learned is not that my faith is not real, but that maybe my faith is not as strong as it should be. I have also realized, that we all go through hard times, and we all struggle, and that we all just have times where we just want to give up.
Through these realizations, I have learned to truly keep my faith in the Lord, and trust him. That is so hard to say even now as I am struggling and so upset. What I learned though, is that the Lord is always faithful. He does provide a perfect plan, and that plan is so much better than I could ever imagine it could be. I will still have depressing times, I will still have hard times, but I still have to stand strong on that foundation that I have built up and the God that has never ever failed me. With that I can truly live a God honoring and God serving life, even through the hard times, the struggles, and the brokeness inside me.

As I begin to remember these truths, the hurt is not so relevant anymore, and that means progress, even the slightest bit, is happening.