A sobering reality

Welcome back friends. Welcome back to my life. Welcome to my world. WELCOME to my SOBERing Reality.

None of you have seen my writings lately because I haven't written anything. I've intended to write for weeks and weeks about what God is doing in my life, but I just never had the motivation. It's not that I have nothing to say.... it's just that I didn't feel like saying it.

Recently I have been stressing through my lack of having a job, my struggle to not know my plans for the fall, lack of money to pay my bills, and everything in between. I strive to believe the biblical truths I KNOW and am even teaching kids (more on that in another post), but recently it's just been so hard to believe.

UNTIL NOW. It has been turning around, and I hope it continues too.

I'm blogging now because today I had a MOMENT. A Sobering moment.

I haven't slept all night because recently I have been not able to sleep. I think I'm struggling for some type of insomnia at the present time. I never can sleep and when I do it is falling asleep at like 3 am and waking up at 10 AM. Hopefully that ends soon, but who knows.

As I stayed awake, I pursued doing some studying for my internship (again more on that later).

and this was my SOBER moment.
It's like....when you get really really drunk, and then somehow you sober up in an instance.

I decided at 4:45 as the sun was rising that I was going to stand outside on my back deck and read through 1 Peter (my book of the bible for my bible study this week).

There was nothing. No music, no iPhone, no struggles. Just me, my bible, a wonderful book to read through!, and a wonderful view of the sun rising.

I felt a sobering affect about this time alone with God, and that was before reading the phrase 'sober/united/humble minded' 3 seperate times (1:13,3:8,5:8)

Suddenly everything I think I'm going through, the binge drinking on this world and all it offers is not so excited.... suddenly nothing matters... Suddenly everything I valued, thought was important, even WORSHIPED...

The technology, the nice phone, the new car, the wonderful job, the cash to buy what I want, the friends who I used for my benefit and thought I deserved, the relationship I wanted, the selfishness of wanting to look good and be seen as someone important to those around me.

Suddenly none of it matters.... and that my dear friends, is so sobering to me. Somehow after standing there reading all through 1 Peter, I am fine! I am blessed. I still don't have the money, or the job, or the things I want... and actually, I'm thankful I don't...because it reminds me that what I REALLY WANT, and REALLY desire, I ALREADY HAVE through Christ!

Here's my prayer.
That I remember that.
That it becomes my daily desire to be SOBERED by the Gospel, and begins to transform my heart.

No really, I'm back

I'm such a horrible blogger, dangit. ANyway. I think I have a good excuse. I spent from Friday night-Monday night in Pittsburgh. Tuesday and Wednesday I did job applications and photo editing ALL DAY...and today....well today I slept all day... hahaha


Anyway. Pittsburgh was simply amazing, just as San Diego a week before.

Pittsburgh was beautiful for much different reasons though. I learned what being a Christian was like. I learned what a crappy one I am. Sorta. I mean... I understand the gospel in a way now that I didn't before. And I didn't necessarily learn anything new, or something that was like mind blowing, but I learned new things about Jesus and about what being a Christian looks like, and what sin looks like....

And it helped me learn a lot about what Ministry looks like, what leadership looks like, and ESPECIALLY what Youth Ministry in the place the Lord has placed me at this point on this journey he has given me called LIFE looks like. It helped me better understand how I am called to do this leadership for the Lord and SHOULD become a better leader in the position I have been given with the youth at my church that God has called me to work with.

But hey, I can't tell you everything now! So check back soon. I'm gonna try to stop by more often and be more consistent.
I promise. :-)

Guess who is back!!!

Welll.....I think I'm back. I've said I was 'back' hundreds of times and rarely have I actually stuck around. So I guess we shall see. But most of the reasons I never stuck around before was because I never felt like I really had anything worth writing about on a consistent basis. I think that will change now. For one, I have a lot more time on my hands, which I will get into sometime soon for those of you that don't know why. Secondly, due to my work with the youth at my church, I have been more involved in studying the bible, and learning a lot from that. It's led to a lot of thinking and studying and note taking, but ever blogging. Well I always have enjoyed making my thoughts public, because I hope that people will learn from what I write and be encouraged in the gospel through it. So for that, I'm back and hopefully I will be consistent and worth the read for ya.

If not...there's tons of other blogs out there, and many with much more to get out of them and more wisdom than mine. But I sure hope you will stick around and I can encourage you and you can do the same for me.

Until the next time

-J

Intententional prayers for those I love.

Rarely do I cry out for something not related to myself. But tonight, for some crazy reason I cannot explain, that's all different. Tonight I'm crying out for those I love, my friends, because many of them are hurting right now, in very different, but very specific situations. Tonight I am actually literally crying for them. I sense the brokenness, I sense the hurt, and in some ways I feel their pain, in other ways. I do not feel their pain, but my heart breaks for them, and cries out tonight for them.

Don't get me wrong, the situations are very different, in very different ways, but I hurt and I cry out for them regardless. One friend had a grandmother who just passed away. My heart breaks for her and longs to see her somehow someway be able to emotionally recover from the death of someone so close to her.

Another friend is having a bad relationship with her husband, and that relationship is falling apart. I long to see that relationship restored, though I don't know how that plays out or how it happens.

And other friends are hurting in different ways but I also cry out for them. Many are praying that God will reveal his will to them, and that's hard to understand and hard to see and hard to know, and I know this all too well because I am right there with them.
My heart cries that God will intentionally and assuredly show them his will.
Many of my friends are struggling with where to go in life, whether it means a certain school or certain vocation, or what relationship to pursue, and I pray that God will reveal those decisions and those paths to them and He will make it clear to them to know which way to go.
So God, I can only do what I know to do, just come to you, bring my friends to you, lift them up to you, and TRUST that you have their life already planned out and full known and have for a long long time.
Please make your will revealed to them, and please restore these broken relationships all around me, and heal broken hearts from death of loved ones, as you're the only one that can heal the brokeness inside us. Please help all of us know what plan you have for us and pursue it with everything within us.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The faithlessness

More or less, I'm happy with my life. But sometimes, I am just so frustrated and so unsure about where I'm going that it bothers me. Sometimes, I even find myself depressed, even if it's for a very short period of time. Somehow the last 48 hours I've been in that time. It's hard for me to be depressed because of the faith and the biblical promises I stand on and live my life around.

When things go wrong, for the most part I have a faith that lets me get through it. I know that God has everything in control and for the most part I trust him with that. Yet sometimes, I still am just utterly depressed. I don't know what it is and sometimes I don't know why but I just know that at times I question that plan and I wonder and come up with no answer about why things go the way they do sometimes. It bothers me to be depressed, because it feels like I'm not truly standing on the solid ground, but sometimes I just feel like this. I know it won't last forever, I know it's just temporary, and I do know that God has everything under control. What I don't understand is why I don't always trust that.

For years, I had just assumed when I was depressed that my faith was not real. Maybe I wasn't real? That's what I told myself. Instead, what I have learned is not that my faith is not real, but that maybe my faith is not as strong as it should be. I have also realized, that we all go through hard times, and we all struggle, and that we all just have times where we just want to give up.
Through these realizations, I have learned to truly keep my faith in the Lord, and trust him. That is so hard to say even now as I am struggling and so upset. What I learned though, is that the Lord is always faithful. He does provide a perfect plan, and that plan is so much better than I could ever imagine it could be. I will still have depressing times, I will still have hard times, but I still have to stand strong on that foundation that I have built up and the God that has never ever failed me. With that I can truly live a God honoring and God serving life, even through the hard times, the struggles, and the brokeness inside me.

As I begin to remember these truths, the hurt is not so relevant anymore, and that means progress, even the slightest bit, is happening.

Cries for Haiti

I've lived through plenty of catstrophes in my life, from 9/11...to Katrina... To tsunamis and terrorist attacks... But never have I lived through one that effected my emotions to the point where I cried, literally. But this earthquake in Haiti has changed all of that. Maybe part of it is growing up, maybe part of it is becoming a Christian who hurts when other people hurt, maybe it's because I know that hundreds of thousands of people that never knew Jesus as their savior are now gone, and the though of where that brings them makes me sick. I can't pinpoint it dirrectly, but I know that as I think about this, or here something or watch something on the news, I just start to literally cry and it just breaks my heart. It's emotionally draining to see the death toll rise. I have spent most of the last 48 hours crying out and wondering 'God, why would you allow this'? Yet I get no answer.

Maybe my heart has changed to be less about me and more about others. I would love nothing more right now then to go. To leave my jobs and everything I have here and just go to Haiti and spend all of my time and effort doing everything and anything to help these people. It is honestly the one desire of my heart right now, and of I could find a way to afford it, I would already be gone. The only problem is that I can't afford to leave and need to work to pay my bills. Ah welcome to life. But the desire of my heart is to be there and hopefully I can go and help with relief efforts at some point in the future. Until then I pray, and I cry for hope, I cry for a nation, and I cry that God does a work in a place that knows not of him.



I have for months prayed for a HEART that breaks over the things that break God's own heart. I can only imagine how his heart must be breaking as I realize that he is answering that prayer and truly giving me a heart that has just begun to break for the hurt, pain, and suffering I witness.

8 Weeks: Time for Growing Up

In just 8 Weeks.

Time has come.

Time to blog, time to learn, time to grow, time to live a faith that I claim my life is all about.




It's all come, in a way thrust upon me with no planning beforehand.

Ah how quick life changes. One day you have it all, the next you find yourself not having a move, a plan, or any financial backbone to get anywhere.


8 Weeks ago today I began a new journey that I didn't expect, didn't plan for and didn't really even want.

I will keep all the details away from this post and any other blog post for a bunch of different reasons, all of which stem from my goal to keep specific personal issues just that.

With that said, 8 weeks ago I left my dads house. I had no plan, no money, ect. (read above).

What I thought was a journey to survive.... has instead turned into a journey to GROWING up, BECOMING a real man, and LIVING a life fitting of serving my Savior Jesus Christ.

Let me point out that I AM NOT THERE. I will not be THERE anytime soon. I don't expect that. What I do expect is to maintain those goals that keep me GROWING,BECOMING, and LIVING.

I don't know where this journey takes me, I have no clue.

Heck, I don't even know where I'm going to be living in 17 days, or working in 3 weeks (have an interview next week for a possible FT job that would mean giving up alot of hours at the 2 jobs I have now, or at least switching around some of those hours).

BUT!!!!! What I do know is that I serve a God and a Savior who is much bigger than John Schuchman. He's bigger than my insecurities, bigger than my fears of what the long term and even short term future holds. He's bigger than my working 60 hours and being physically spent from it. He is bigger than the many broken relationships I have. He's bigger than my immaturity, bigger than my 21 years of lack of living for Christ.

My God is BIGGER than everything.
HE knows what plan he has for me. It may not be what plan I have for myself.

He is molding me to the John that HE wants me to be.

He has used these 8 weeks that feel like a lifetime to work his purposes in my life. In these 8 weeks I have grown more in my faith, Love for Christ, passion for doing his will, and knowledge and maturity than I had in the last 21 Years and 5 Months COMBINED.

And yet, there is STILL TONS of work to be done, and I trust that he will continue to do that work as he has done for the past 8 weeks

And when it's all said and done, these 8 weeks that have Impacted and completely CHANGED my life, will be just a little blip on the screen to God, and that's completely incredible!

I am encouraged and excited for what the next 17 days, couple months, and even couple years bring and how I grow and mature as I see the fabulous plan he has for me play out!!! :-)

Genesis 50:20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.