Will I always be alone?

Since JP has the topic of the week set on music lyrics, I popped in a CD tonight and heard the song "Enough"



"Chorus:
All of You is more than enough for
all of me For every thirst and
every need You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You're my supply
My breath of life
still more awesome than I know
You're my reward
Worth living for
still more awesome than I know

Chorus:

You’re my sacrifice
Of greatest prize
and still more awesome than I know
You’re the coming King
You are everything
and still more awesome than I know

Chorus:

More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me
More than all I know
More than all I can say
You are more than enough "



ok so anyway, I heard this song and said to myself "THAT'S WHERE I WANT TO BE!"

I am in a position where I'm never satisfied. Whether it be about the whole issue recently that happened when I discussed things with her or whatever. I think I am just scared. Scared of always being alone, scared of being single at 30. Scared of never being where or who I want to be. I have such a selfish mindset, but IDK I just have these bad visions in my head of my life not turning into what I want it to be. It's so hard to say , "God, you've satisfied my every want, and even if I fail out of college (again), don't switch to full time at my job like I want to, or if God have called me to live a life of singleness like I DON'T want to do, I am happy there" I just wish I could say that. I wish I had all the answers.
I'm to consumed with "John time" when all I should concentrate on is "God time".

I need to just let the unknown be that

John is not happy when he is not in control of every circumstance in his life.


Ok so I need to go read my bible now, It's been a while once again.
It seems like week after week I tell myself next week will be different and I will make it a priority...yet it never happens even though I want it to REALLY bad. I also can't think I am being judged or God thinks any less of me because I don't read it.

ugh. I have so many thoughts in my head. I wish I head like a thought vacuum that took everything away. It's not like bad thoughts, but just thinking to much I guess.

ok I'm done