It's time for a vacation

Hi everyone. It's been a while. In that time I've dealt with a near tragedy as my step dad was in a big car accident. He is in the hospital in Baltimore and will be until early December. So anyway, I talked to a few of you at church. I am really fine but am so worried about my family. I don't want this to make us fall apart. My mom called tonight and was pretty pissed that I hadn't been down there to see my step dad, even though she told me not to come down until she told me, not to mention I work 49 hours this week between the two jobs as well as trying to work on a paper due next monday. I didn't argue with her or tell her that, because I could just tell she was totally drained and was just so tired. I figured she really wasn't even thinking straight and there was no reason to argue with her. so anyway... pray for the family. Pray for me as I try to get school done as well as working ever day this week which begins with a 13 hour day from 9:30 AM tommorow and goes till 10:30 tommorow night between the 2 jobs and ends with a 15 hour day on saturday.

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers about my stepdad. Thank you also to everyone who has offered to do anything you guys can. I'm so thankful for the support I have received from everyone.


In other news, today began the apartment search for apartments near Desales. I can't wait till I have the chance to spend more time with people from Cornerstone, and maybe get involved in a small group. I'm excited just think about getting back, maybe a little to soon since I probablly will still be home for another 10 months.

so yeah, the other day I was at sears and walked up to this old guy and asked how he was doing. his response was "Miserable, how about you". I chuckled to myself and then said "I guess I'm doing ok" He then said "that's a shame, missery enjoy company". My first thought was "what a creepy old man to talk like that" and later thought about what he said. He must honestly be misserable and have no hope of anything except for making everyone else misserable as well.. I'm glad I'm not like this creepy old man, I'm glad I (and most of the people i know) have a hope of a future, beter than we could EVER imagine

ok I'm done

time to finish watching the RED SOX WIN THE WORLD SERIES!!!!!!!!!


D-Y-N-A-S-T-Y

kbye

Will I always be alone?

Since JP has the topic of the week set on music lyrics, I popped in a CD tonight and heard the song "Enough"



"Chorus:
All of You is more than enough for
all of me For every thirst and
every need You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You're my supply
My breath of life
still more awesome than I know
You're my reward
Worth living for
still more awesome than I know

Chorus:

You’re my sacrifice
Of greatest prize
and still more awesome than I know
You’re the coming King
You are everything
and still more awesome than I know

Chorus:

More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me
More than all I know
More than all I can say
You are more than enough "



ok so anyway, I heard this song and said to myself "THAT'S WHERE I WANT TO BE!"

I am in a position where I'm never satisfied. Whether it be about the whole issue recently that happened when I discussed things with her or whatever. I think I am just scared. Scared of always being alone, scared of being single at 30. Scared of never being where or who I want to be. I have such a selfish mindset, but IDK I just have these bad visions in my head of my life not turning into what I want it to be. It's so hard to say , "God, you've satisfied my every want, and even if I fail out of college (again), don't switch to full time at my job like I want to, or if God have called me to live a life of singleness like I DON'T want to do, I am happy there" I just wish I could say that. I wish I had all the answers.
I'm to consumed with "John time" when all I should concentrate on is "God time".

I need to just let the unknown be that

John is not happy when he is not in control of every circumstance in his life.


Ok so I need to go read my bible now, It's been a while once again.
It seems like week after week I tell myself next week will be different and I will make it a priority...yet it never happens even though I want it to REALLY bad. I also can't think I am being judged or God thinks any less of me because I don't read it.

ugh. I have so many thoughts in my head. I wish I head like a thought vacuum that took everything away. It's not like bad thoughts, but just thinking to much I guess.

ok I'm done

Here I am

So here I sit. Once again I have failed before the Almighty Father,yet once again forgiven.

so yah...first entry of my blog

I used to have a blogger back in the day when I was like 15 (seems forever ago) because I sat there and thought it was cool.

I'm more of a facebook guy myself, but blogging is interesting, i often write things that I don't have the guts to say to people (Imagine that, I can't say it to someone's face but will say it to everyone in the world on the internet)

I sit here, 5 AM, can't sleep

I often find God gives me things to think about in the middle of the night that I never would normally think about during my busy day. I love sitting here in the witness of my home, with only the sound of a keys clicking in my ear.

My thoughts tonight are on where I've come form and where I'm going. I can only pray that I could just be who I am and let god handle the rest. Instead, I often second guess choices and always ask myself why I didn't do something else.

I wish I could change so many things about myself. first and foremost, I wish i was in my bible on a day to day basis. It seems so ridiculous that I've said that for so long and yet week to week, I do nothing about it.

Lord please help me want to spend more time with you, and help me to rest in your arms instead of worrying about everything.



"I lift my eyes up, to the heavens, where does my help come from?"

see ya'll later

John Schuchman